you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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