You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
