woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
