totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
