he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
