I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
