I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
