I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
