I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
