Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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