He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
