You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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