I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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