Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
