I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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