Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
