I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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