I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize