Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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