Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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