if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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