Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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