I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
