so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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