i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
