my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
