oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
