i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
