my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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