He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
