Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
