is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
