FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
