This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
