This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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