upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
