onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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