My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
