I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
