i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
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