Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
