you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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