She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
