Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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