i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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