He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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