I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
