random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
