I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
