your parents love me but you hate me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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