i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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