someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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