we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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