he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
