dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
