So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
