I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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