i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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