I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
