I think I died a long time ago.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
