I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
