I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
