i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
