I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
